Pessimist/Optimist?

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There are lots of things, including changing the kind of inner dialog, that can mitigate anxiety. And yes, there are people who have the glass half full and glass half empty, and I’m afraid the glass is going to break and I’ll cut myself on the shards. Scott Stossel
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/half-full-quotes

Just imagine a young man who thought he had the tiger by the tail, that the world was his’ oyster.  A world where there was a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow.  That young man use to be me.

I am not quite sure where that young man went, it seems he gradually just faded away.  In his place was a man that felt like the whole world had went black.  Each hurt, disappointment, promises not kept, each one caused that young man to wither little by little.

It wasn’t noticeable, the change was undetectable.  Yes, I had very good days that morphed into just good days, then not so good, until it was a struggle to get up and look at the sunshine.

Eventually a total collapse, the will to fight had vanished.  There didn’t seem to be an answer, tired of just breathing, fed up with trying to put a smile on my face.  Every joint, fiber, my total being  feeling like total defeat.  Then the frustration led me to the overdose with sleeping pills.  That was early nineties, it seems like a century ago.

Life seemed to deal blow after blow, this young man found himself being admitted to the Mental Health Ward not once but several times.

Now, today’s older man is stable, and I must admit I still have some black days.  Fighting extreme pain day after day wears on me.  I am thankful for the support I know is there if I really need it.  Thankful for the medications I take that brings me balance in my mind.

So, onward I trudge forward for I do not want to go backwards!

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Comments (

8

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  1. cheriewhite

    Thank you for posting this powerful article. Your story sounds so much like mine because my early days were the same- disappointment after disappointment. What was so difficult for me was being dealt blow after blow while watching everyone else get success after success. That was the worst.

    However, things are much better. Not that I don’t still have occasional frustrations, but what has helped me is finding my purpose and a niche in life. And I’m thankful for it.

    Wishing you all the best in life!
    Cherie

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Chelsea Owens

    I just talked with my husband about the buildup of disappointment leading to depression. I’ve been wondering how to learn a better reaction.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rethinking Scripture

      Chelsea I wish I had an answer to that.
      For me I just buried it deep within me.
      I never fought back, I don’t hold grudges. However, hurt turns to scars, those scars cloud my judgment in making choices.
      I think it is as individual case by case.
      I know some people just cast it off like water off a duck’s back.
      For many, including myself we hold it in.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Chelsea Owens

        Me, too.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Rethinking Scripture

          Chelsea introspection is difficult for almost everyone. Going deep into some hurt hurts. It brings out the same feeling like it just happened to us.

          Liked by 1 person

    2. Linda Vogt Turner

      One strategy is to lower one’s expectations. Although as my late husband used to say, aim at nothing and you will hit it everytime. His death hit me hard. He was 12 years older than me and was in good health for 69. I expected him to live until 90. Yikes! Dealing with this disappointment brought other disappointments I had suffered before meeting him and falling in love with him and marrying him. So…I started to focus instead on all the “coincidences” where God had blessed me…beginning with the coincidence of my husband’s death. He and I shared the belief that there are no such things as coincidences or accidents only God instances. His death was an accident. He drowned on the 19th Day of January 2009 leaving me a widow recently fired and blacklisted because I grieved the loss of my position. His death actually provided me the luxury of retiring with a pension that enabled me to continue working toward my Master’s degree and my Doctorate.

      Back to you. You reveal that “you” talked with your husband about the buildup of disappointment…and you’ve been wondering how to learn a better reaction.

      I think your reaction is quite normal. Grief is similar to being depressed. Your heart aches for what you do not have. You get angry, jealous and suffer all kinds of unwelcome emotions. In the end…you have to come to terms with the loss and move on. You fight that. The way I got through was to notice the “coincidences” and realize this was God’s way of guiding me through my hurt and disappointment and waking me up and opening me up to realizing my true purpose.

      I’m sure in time, Chelsea God will help and strengthen you too. You are already on your way. You’ve opened up and started talking about your depression.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Rethinking Scripture

        Linda, thank you for your comment!
        I appreciate everyone who leaves a comment on posts that I have written.
        Writing these posts,bringing out some parts of my life seems to be somewhat a healing process.
        One hurt that I experienced was my first wife’s family telling her to divorce me. Divorce was something I did not want because I watched my own parents go through it.
        There will be many more posts to come as I work through things.

        Like

      2. Chelsea Owens

        ❤ Thank you, Linda. I really appreciate your perspective and your sharing this story.

        You’re right, of course, and I need to find a similar perspective.

        Liked by 1 person

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