“Anyone who has actually been that sad can tell you that there’s nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about depression.”
There are days in my life that if I allowed myself I would sit and wallow in my hurts, wounds, and of course, self – pity.
It would be oh so easy to stay down because it would not require any effort or energy on my part. I could just lay there and roll myself into a cocoon, shut the world out, and never venture to look upwards to see some sunshine.
I have on occasion spent more time alone sitting in utter darkness not seeing or hearing from anyone. It could be that I can tolerate long periods of time in my own company. I have been like that more than I would like to admit.
There are times when I look back and wonder how I could put myself out and center stage to sing or to deliver a message.
I am now quite content just to have a few people around me, no crowds, just one or two that I can visit with. Sometimes just to sit and watch a program with barely uttering a word to each other. There are times that I just sit quietly and read a book with soft music in the background.
I love it when my daughter comes and brings the grandchildren to visit, but I admit, I am exhausted, that after they leave I have to take a nap to rest for awhile. The grandchildren are not toddlers but still have so much more energy and keeping up with them requires all my faculties.
***I know and realize that I may fall seven times, but I cannot stay down, I must get up for the eighth time and press forward.***
Every day that I make it through is one battle won, tomorrow is it’s own battle. Don’t stay in the cocoon but stick my head up and absorb some sunshine, meditate on something more than myself. Maybe, speak a word of kindness that brings a smile to someone else.
So, I cannot forget that I can only win the war one battle at a time!