Depression lies. It tells you you’ve always felt this way, and you always will. But you haven’t, and you won’t. Halley Cornell
A preacher friend use to say this “when you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on.
All through my life I have never liked myself. Too many things that I thought that I wish I could change them.
As I grew older and started to play music in different churches, etc., I learned how to mask my true feelings. I could play the Gospel Songs, I would enjoy the moment. It was after the meeting was over, then without anyone around I would begin to feel that heaviness come over me again, again, and again. Many times I would just wish/pray that I could pass away while I was sleeping.
Growing up there was no “putting on airs” about us. Mom was a great cook, she always had a hot meal for us. It was always around six p.m.. We sat together as a family, phone calls from friends was a taboo.
Then I started travelling with the evangelist. I found myself in strange situations, sitting down with my hosts for a meal. There I looked and there were strange silverware, no not strange in how they looked, but, it was that there was more than one fork, etc.,
Glassware was the same. I learned how to wait until I saw how the host/s started to eat their meals. I copied their movements.
Also with what was served as the meal. I knew better than not to insult the host/s by not eating the meal. So, I started developing a different taste palette of foods. One food that I soon learned to love was jumbo shrimp.
When it comes to crowds I still have a difficult time mingling with people. I am self conscious of my teeth. My teeth are crooked, they just are ugly as far as I am concerned. Because of that insecurity I do not like my picture taken.
I could spend more time writing on this post but the list is way too long.
So, I am always reminding myself that there are other people who probably have insecurities just like me!