You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.”
Sometimes I find myself thinking of how I was before I saw a psychiatrist and started taking medications to treat me for being bi-polar, it makes shudder.
I truly do not know how I survived throughout that time. I would become enraged at the most insignificant thing. I would scream, cry, threaten to move, and on and on and on. I was a total mess. There were times I would be up all night sitting at my computer just wasting time, then sleep most of the next day.
I was someone who really was overwhelmed with all types of anxieties. Never knew when I would have a panic attack, did not know anything about what is called “triggers”.
Everything came to a full blown explosion. After my grandmother died in 2004 I lost myself overtaken by grief. It just wasn’t her death, but it was on top of losing my mother four years later. I started plotting how I would take my life. I started giving all my food to my best friend. There was nothing logical about the things I was doing, and to be honest I truly didn’t really care. After a couple of hours my best friend finally realized what I was planning. All that I know was a short time later I was being escorted into a police car, on my way to the hospital to be admitted to the Mental Health Ward in the local hospital.
I was like someone who jumped into the wrong end of the pool and finding out you are in over your head. Now from what I understand is never start flailing your arms around like crazy. This burns up your energy, the best thing you can do until help arrives is, just tread water.
I really do not have much permanent memories of my first admittance for treatment. I do remember how I felt. I was going through the motions, but I was totally disconnected from everything happening around me.
So, now when I start feeling overwhelmed, just stop flailing my arms wasting my energy. I just need to just tread water until help arrives!
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