Battered Men and Abused

Trigger Warning: This post contains subjects and issues that may be upsetting to some.

This is another issue that is included in the group “Mental Health”. It has been my feeling that this has been kept in a dark closet. We always hear about the abuse of woman and children, but I thought this needed to be explored.


Help For Men Who Are Being Abused

Help Guide Org., states that men being abused happens more often than you would expect.

They go on to say that domestic abuse may not be physical. It could also be verbal and emotional.

  • Domestic abuse may not be physical
  • Could also be verbally and emotional
  • Partners whether they be heterosexual or same sex, become possessive, act jealous or harass with accusations of being unfaithful
  • Verbal abuse by belittling or humiliate in front of friends, colleagues, family, or on social media
  • Threaten to leave you and prevent you from seeing your kids if you report the abuse.

The Mayo Clinic defines domestic violence against men as such:

“Domestic violence — also known as intimate partner violence — occurs between people who are or have been in a close relationship. Domestic violence can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse, stalking and threats of abuse. It can happen in heterosexual or same-sex relationships.

Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviors to control his or her partner.”


WebMD reports more than 830,000 men fall victim to domestic violence every year.

Jan Brown the executive director and founder of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for men says,

Domestic violence is not about size, gender, or strength. It’s about abuse, control, and power, and getting out of dangerous situations and getting help, whether you are a woman being abused, or a man.

She also goes on to say in the article, “There are more than 4,000 domestic violence programs in the U.S., but very few actually offer the same services to men as they do women.”

So dear reader, the issue is hard to read, but recognizing abuse happens to both men, women, and the hardest issue, child abuse.

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Comments (

13

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  1. ashleyleia

    It’s sad how this kind of thing can really happen to anyone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. rts – Facing the Challenges of Mental Health

      Yes, it is truly sad how this happens Ashley!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Angie

    Abuse to men goes unreported too often unfortunately. Child abuse is also more common than people think but it usually takes an adult to step in and report it. Sadly, many children don’t know any better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. rts – Facing the Challenges of Mental Health

      Here in Canada the teachers, doctors, and nurses are by law ordered to report any suspected abuse in a child. Sometimes the signs of abuse are not always obvious. I am still trying to write a post about child abuse with being sensitive to the subject and the reader.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Angie

        Yes, it’s good that they are required to report it, but there are so many that turn a blind eye to things or are too quick to believe any story given.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. fgsjr2015

      I believe there remains a societal mentality, albeit perhaps subconscious: Men can take care of themselves, and boys are basically little men. Over many years of news-media consumption, I’ve noticed that when victims of sexual abuse are girls their gender is readily reported as such; however, when they’re boys, they’re usually referred to gender-neutrally as children. It’s as though, as a news product made to sell the best, the child victims being female is somehow more shocking than if male.

      Also, I’ve heard and read news-media references to a 19-year-old female victim as a ‘girl’, while (in an unrelated case) a 17-year-old male perpetrator was described as a ‘man’. Could it be that this is revelatory of an already present gender bias held by the general news consumership, since news-media tend to sell us what we want or are willing to consume thus buy?

      It could be the same mentality that might help explain why the book Childhood Disrupted was only able to include one man among its six interviewed adult subjects, there presumably being such a small pool of ACE-traumatized men willing to formally tell his own story of childhood abuse. It could be yet more evidence of a continuing subtle societal take-it-like-a-man mindset; one in which so many men, even with anonymity, would prefer not to ‘complain’ to some stranger/author about his torturous childhood, as that is what ‘real men’ do.

      [P.S. I tried multiple times contacting the book’s author via internet websites in regards to this non-addressed florescent elephant in the room, but I received no response.]

      Liked by 1 person

  3. cctechm777

    Thank you for writing this very important truth! If you read my testimony, you will see how I can relate to this very important issue.

    I grew up in a very volatile abusive, and toxic family, where sexual abuse, physical, and emotional abuse was the generational curse in which permeated my family history. My mother and other adults were the contributor’s to the sexual abuse I suffered from a toddler and childhood years, and early teen years, along with the other abuses.

    But by the Grace of God, HE has saved me from the years of suffering from such a perverted and wicked influences those “transgressions” brought about. And He is still not finished with me. It’s been a long haul. But step by step, though many times were extremely “nightmarish”, He has NEVER left me, and seen me through it all.

    I’ve been to various men’s groups, one on line “Male Survivor’s” web-site, which the Lord had used in many ways, and also a Men’s Survivor Support group here in Quebec, which I attended for a couple of years, was also a blessing in many respects. It would seem that men who have suffered such, are not publicized and reported upon within the Main stream media. Because it would seem they prefer to deny that women are just as culpable to being the instigator to sexual abuse as well as men. I guess they need to keep the narrative that men are to be belittled as much as possible. And this should be no surprise as we live in a fallen and sinful world, where true justice is very rarely carried out.

    I look forward to reading other postings on this subject. Another Christian man who is speaking about this important issue, is truly a blessing for me.
    The Lord bless you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. rts – Facing the Challenges of Mental Health

      Thank you so much for your vote of confidence! I am glad that you found this post helpful.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. fgsjr2015

      As a boy with autism spectrum disorder, ACEs and high sensitivity (all of which is still not formally diagnosed) thus admittedly not always easy to deal with, the first and most formidable authority-figure abuser with whom I was terrifyingly trapped was my Grade 2 teacher, Mrs. Carol, in the early 1970s.

      Although I can’t recall her abuse against me in its entirety, I’ll nevertheless always remember how she had the immoral audacity — and especially the unethical confidence in avoiding any professional repercussions — to blatantly readily aim and fire her knee towards my groin, as I was backed up against the school hall wall. Fortunately, though, she missed her mark, instead hitting the top of my left leg.

      While there were other terrible teachers, for me she was uniquely traumatizing, especially when she wore her dark sunglasses when dealing with me.

      I didn’t tell anyone about my ordeal with her. Rather than consciously feel victimized, I felt some misplaced shame. And as each grade passed, I increasingly noticed how all recipients of corporeal handling/abuse in my school were boys; and I had reasoned thus normalized to myself that it was because men can take care of themselves and boys are basically little men.

      For some other (albeit likely NT) students back then and there, however, there was Mrs. Carol’s sole Grade 2 counterpart, Mrs. Clemens — similarly abusive but with the additional bizarre, scary attribute of her eyes abruptly shifting side to side. Not surprising, the pair were quite friendly with each other. It was rumored the latter teacher had a heroin addiction, though I don’t recall hearing of any solid proof of that.

      I remember one fellow second-grader’s mother going door to door in my part of town seeking out any other case of a student who, like her son, had been assaulted by that teacher. … I just stood there, silently, as my astonished mother conversed with the woman while unaware of my own nightmare-teacher experiences.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. cctechm777

        Thank you for sharing. I had similar problems with certain men teacher’s, 3 actually. 5th grade teacher who was an exmarine, always would pick me out, and physically squeeze the neck or do some hitting with a pointer. I was a very shy and due to me desiring to be a girl, I was quite girlish acting, and he being an exmarine must found me to be a real scourge upon the earth. I also had a math teacher who also like to squeeze the back of my neck, and embarrass me in school. I was never a good student, I had hard times to concentrate, I would always wish I was somewhere else, studying for me was such a trial, especially before tests. I also escaped into my fantasy world, wishing to be someone else. My seventh grade “history” teacher a very manly Italian compared me to Lawrence of Arabia in front of the whole class. I did not know what he meant by it, but I sure felt that it was not a complement but a perverted ridicule.
        It wasn’t until I was an adult that I finally understood what he was meaning, because Lawrence of Arabia had the reputation of “loving teenage boys”.
        For teachers to have such a position over students and use that “power” against individual students, is so very wicked indeed.
        May the Lord bless you…..

        Liked by 1 person

  4. fgsjr2015

    According to the author of The Highly Sensitive Man, psychologist/psychotherapist Tom Falkenstein (pg.13 & 14):

    “… So it seems everyone is talking about a ‘crisis in masculinity.’ It is a crisis marked by men’s insecurity about their role in society, their identity, their values, their sexuality, their careers, and their relationships. At the same time, academics are telling us that ‘we know far less about the psychological and physical health of men than of women.’ Why is this? Michael Addis, a professor of psychology and a leading researcher into male identity and psychological health, has highlighted a deficit in our knowledge about men suffering from depression and argues that this has cultural, social, and historical roots.

    If we look at whether gender affects how people experience depression, how they express it, and how it’s treated, it quickly becomes clear that gender has for a long time referred to women and not to men. According to Addis, this is because, socially and historically, men have been seen as the dominant group and thus representative of normal psychological health.

    Women have thus been understood as the nondominant group, which deviated from the norm, and they have been examined and understood from this perspective. One of the countless problems of this approach is that the experiences and specific challenges of the ‘dominant group,’ in this case men, have remained hidden. …”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. rts – Facing the Challenges of Mental Health

      Thank you for your input! However, I would ask that if you could condense your comments.
      It makes for easier reading for all those reading them. Thank you so much!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. rts – Facing the Challenges of Mental Health

      I am sorry but I am not going to approve your comment. This comment is not on subject in the spirit of the post.
      I would more than gladly approve comment if it was in direct relation to the subject.

      Like

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