“I will be living with chronic pain for the rest of my life. I don’t have the mobility, energy or life options I used to have. I work hard to manage the pain, and I want the medical system to be a respectful and effective partner, not a jailer. The opioid crisis is not my doing.” ― Sonya Huber
Last Friday started me on a very painful several days. I needed refills on my pain and sleep medications. I thought my doctor and I understood to have them refilled on last Thursday. My doctor closes his office on Fridays at 11 a.m.. So, I ran out of medication and suffered greatly until mid Monday.
Friday night was bearable, but, as Saturday became mid day my pain increased to the point I could barely move around. I found myself not being able to sleep for over forty eight hours.
What I found within myself was how the mind takes you for a roller coaster ride. I started thinking about moving into a nursing home. There were hours where I laid in bed crying just thinking what it would feel like just to quit living, (no suicidal thoughts thought). Also, my thought was to have my wheelchair brought in and move furniture so that I could maneuver throughout my home.
My thoughts also turned to imagining what it must be like to have your mind intact, but, laying in a bed somewhere unable to interact with your environment around you. I pictured myself laying in a bed and the only way to communicate would be by blinking my eyes in a pattern to represent a yes or a no answer.
Finally, Monday morning arrived and I was on the phone with my doctor. Being myself and telling him the very thought about moving to a long term care home. I believe he heard the frustration in my voice because I was almost in tears. So, finally last night with my pain killers and sleeping pills I found the relief I needed.
So, dear reader, pain almost brought hallucinations to my mind! Pain is a powerful influencer on the mind!